SUPPORT GROUP HELPS FAMILIES STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

By Rev. Sally Harbold, Associate Rector, St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, Cary
 
I feel blessed to be someone with whom people like to sit and talk. It is especially fitting since I am a priest, and sometimes I find that people really want to talk with a ‘spiritual leader’. About four years ago I found it interesting that there were three women church members coming to talk with me who each had a family member being treated for bipolar disorder. As I listened to their stories I began to sense that it might be a good thing for them to meet one another. I had a dream that they might be of help to one another. And so eventually I asked, and they agreed to meet. There was much anxiety in the beginning because I had not shared names, but once the four of us were in one room, they could see that they were very much alike. They were women of about the same age, raising children, and struggling in very intense ways with mental illness in their families.
 
For nearly a year we met once a month for a couple of hours over lunch. We began to engage in conversations about a variety of topics:  the stigma of mental illness, methods of treatment, different medications, and, most importantly, the individual stories of each of the women and her family members.  We took a great leap of faith and invited another woman to come and visit our group. This was an active church member who was herself diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was willing to share what it felt like to live with this illness. Her stories and her life became an invaluable resource for the group members, and she remains an ‘honorary’ member of our grassroots community.
 
It was wonderful to watch these women become friends over that first year. And then something started to happen. They were finding it easier to talk about their lives and their experiences with others and were learning that it would be helpful to expand their numbers. They invited people they had met or heard about and within two years our group had grown to include 12 people. We had become a true support group in the best sense of that name. I love hearing about the times that these women gather without me. It may be for a supper out, to bring their children together for play or help one another with child care, or simply to listen to one another over the phone during critical moments in their lives.
 
Our society and our culture still keep mental illness at arm’s length. Shame and fear still haunt the lives of women and men who are living with a diagnosis which becomes misunderstood by others. Some of those with mental illness are contributing well at home and at work, yet they are afraid for us to know them. Likewise, their family members are often afraid to ask for our support. The mental health care system is in disarray. Services continue to diminish and people suffer. However, church communities can provide much needed leadership. May we invite a new way of talking about this important issue so that we can break the silence and normalize the topic of mental illness.  And, may our care, conversations and advocacy bring new life, health, and well being to all members of our church communities where so many suffer in silence.